Bobby’s alarm rings at 7:30 AM. He gets out of bed fully clothed and walks over to his kitchen sink to wash dishes. As he fills his sink with warm, soapy water he peers through the kitchen window, overlooking the curvy body and voluptuous grill of his jet-black 1999 Dodge Ram. She’s his life, his passion, and his true love.

Bobby Bell lives in Reisterstown, Maryland. He works as a structural engineer for a firm 20 minutes up the road from his apartment. Every morning, he walks out to his beautiful vehicle in its designated parking-spot and drives to work listening to his favorite bands from the good times.

Once at work, Bobby pretends to work on projects when in reality he peruses his favorite websites like Facebook, 9GAG, and Reddit. His boss walks by him once or twice every hour to pee or get a plastic cup of water. Bobby shares memes with his friends that are very funny. Bobby wears cool, silver headphones. They were expensive but he is pretty sure the sound quality is really excellent. On Facebook he watches short videos that reaffirm his political views. He loves that. He feels very knowledgeable and informed.

The fruity strawberry-flavored gum Bobby chews on slowly loses its flavor. Bobby grinds on the remaining rubbery nugget. His mouth is filled with a stale, chemical flavor. The office gets very hot. Bobby sweats through his nice shirt that he had some lady iron for him.

At lunch Bobby sits with the guys at a table by a Dasani water vending machine. He feels very strong with the guys. He is fearless. They talk about female coworkers and women around town.

When he gets home from work, Bobby likes to watch the TV. He sits in his big, tan, leather reclining-chair and watches History channel, Discovery channel, and Fox news. The air conditioner blasts cold air throughout his apartment. He likes it at 55°. Its monotonous drone annoys Bobby so he often turns his television up really loud.

Bobby turns on his computer and begins pirating a Joanne Bliaud album that he used to listen to during the good times. On the pirating website, an ad pops up notifying him that Hot Internet Babes Want Him. He clicks the ad, opening a chat room window.

The link prompts him to insert all of his credit card information, his social security number, and a couple other personal pieces of information. He is skeptical at first, but then he remembers that hot girl, Gzhoucyaphixna ♥. He fills out the page completely and sits back, waiting for an email with lots of very hot pictures from Gzhoucyaphixna.

He turns and stares at the TV: the deadly retrovirus from mars has resulted in millions of deaths across Europe. The EU is on the verge of collapse. “That’s scary,” Bobby thinks to himself, “at least it won’t affect me here in the US.” After about 30 minutes there is still no email from Gzhoucyaphixna. She is probably just busy. He checks his spam, which has flooded with bizarre, unwanted pornographic images. He deletes all of them.

On the weekends Bobby usually goes out to local bars with the guys from the firm. He admires Geof J. the most. Geof has a nice, sturdy build, tight, thick muscles, thick legs and a shiny smile. He really gets it with the ladies. Bobby admires him for that.

This weekend only Geof is available. So, the two of them decide to get dinner together. Bobby drives his 1999 Dodge Ram to a local seafood joint. In the parking lot, Geof sits on the hood of his car, muscles a-bulge. Bobby gets out of his 1999 Dodge Ram and waves at Geof. Geof walks over to Bobby as he locks up his car. The two men sit next to one another on the hood of Bobby’s Dodge Ram.

“Hey bro, what’s up? How have you been?” Geof asks.

“Not bad bro. You?”

“I’ve been doing great. Just paid off the repair costs for that guy’s pussy-ass honda that I hit.”

“Congrats, that’s really great. I’m really proud of you,” Bobby says with deep earnesty.

“Thanks… lets get something to eat.”

“Sounds great!”

Geof and Bobby sit down in a plush booth and read through a massive menu, jammed with every kind of food you could ever want. A waiter brings them ice waters. An iPad is bolted to the table, providing a host of social media services and games. Bobby begins to check through his Twitter feed on the device while Geof loudly sucks on an ice-cube. The waiter comes back and asks what they would like to eat. Geof asks for a steak cooked rare with a side of potato salad (extra mayonnaise). Bobby orders a well-done steak with ketchup.

Geof’s food arrives. The waiter places a large bowl of Mayonnaise next to his potato salad. Bobby’s steak arrives as well.

“What is wrong with the people here? I wanted the Mayonnaise MIXED IN! Do they expect me to MIX IT IN MYSELF?!”

“Hey… calm down… I’ll help you with it.”

Both Bobby and Geof reach for the bowl. Their hands touch. Geof’s hand lingers. Bobby grabs Geof’s hand. Geof looks Bobby deep in the eyes. The two of them lean over their food and kiss. They settle back into the booth. Bobby’s heart is racing.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” Geof says.

“Me too,” Bobby replies.

“I love you bro,” Geof whispers.

“I love you too… bro.”

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