As you drift through strip malls and a seemingly endless suburban sprawl, you begin to realize how much you love this cosplay lincoln man.

"What's your name?" you ask.

"Billy," he says, "people usually call me Billy Hole."

"Where are we headed, Billy?"

"Wherever your heart desires, beautiful."

"Hm... let's go to Reisterstown, Maryland. Then... after that... lets go to Italy!"

"Italy huh? How about we head to Reisterstown and settle down for a bit. I'll get a job repossessing cars or something, and then, eventually, I'll have enough saved up for a nice trip to Italy."

"That sounds swell," you say.

Several months later, you end up pregnant. The two of you get married and you give birth to a baby boy, who you name Bobby. Bobby Bell.

6 Years pass. You and Billy finally have enough saved up for your Italy trip.

After arriving in Italy, the two of you get infected with a strange disease that had been spreading throughout the rural Italian countryside. Within weeks, both of your bodies swell and mutate until your organs and bones get crushed by your own, puss-filled flesh.

Bobby learns to survive and fend for himself by playing on a football team. After making amazing plays, the audience usually throws pennies, granola bars, and other assorted goods at him. This keeps him fed and pays his rent throughout his childhood. He eventually attends an American high school, where he meets lots of friends and becomes the homecoming king.